FINDING A CREATIVE LIFE (Part 4)

Later that afternoon I attended a non-fiction critique session also led by Susan. Women, sitting in chairs arranged in a horseshoe formation, each waited with seven pages of a memoir or autobiography they'd written. I'd signed up to read portions of my travel emails from China.

I smoothed my papers with a damp hand, took a breath and launched in. I'd never read any of my writing aloud and most certainly not for critique. At the end of my reading I looked up into Susan's eyes and she said, This is brilliant writing.

As a result of Susan's approbation I knew I was officially pregnant with creativity that now could be unleashed. I signed up to read more of my writing in an auditorium filled with four hundred women — even though I had nothing prepared. The rules for these evening readings stipulated pieces be no more than three minutes long.

I took off for the college library, found a computer and wrote about the Shakespeare Club. That night, when I stood at the podium, adjusted the microphone and read my words, the positive audience reaction told me exactly what I was giving birth to.

I arrived home from the conference as high as those clouds I'd been spinning into dreams above our house in Los Angeles. I poured William a glass of wine and said, Sit, I have to share this with you.

I read him all the poems and essays I'd written that week. When I finished I looked up at the one person I wanted to please more than anyone in the world.

His face was damp with tears.

I only wish I'd been the first one to tell you, Mel. You are a great writer.

I knew the book I had in me, the one I was supposed to write, would be a memoir about my first year of running Shakespeare Club, entwined with the story of my wanting to be an actor, leaving my acting career and making peace with that decision.

It took me eight months to write the book and another five months to rewrite it. Next to me on the couch, our car Spencer curled up tight against my hip and snoozed as I wrote and wrote. I didn't share my work with William. I was too shy to do that. His impression meant a great deal to me and I wanted the work to be the best it could be before showing a single page to him.